rushed

I’m a rush of nothing and everything.  educate, wash the laundry, hang the laundry, dust, vacuum, read, get distracted online, spend too much time online, remember to plan dinner, forget to plan dinner, I hate making dinner. Take down the laundry, “clean up the room”, I need to vacuum the floor, “pick up your toys so I can vacuum the floor”, wash my hair, it’s too late to wash my hair.

Why do I feel like life is passing me by and I am totally missing it?  Will my kids look back and see an absent mom?  I didn’t play enough.  I didn’t laugh enough.  I wanted to change the world too much.  Is everything I pursue in vain?  I want to help with this and that.  I want to focus completely on my family and nothing else.  Because the other things take me from them.  But I feel a driving force behind me, pushing me to speak, to truth, to change, to hope, to despair, to words that seem to go unheeded.

Put down the phone.

Turn off the computer.

Make lists and get to them when I get to them.

Light a candle.

Play some music.

Go for a walk.

Breathe.

Read.  Really read. 

Smile.

Laugh.

Breathe.

Make a dang meal.  It won’t kill you.

Enjoy the cardboard village that invades these walls.

Accept that the world is falling apart.  Yes, God knows about it.  No, I won’t save it all by myself.  But I can do what is right for me, for my family, according to the truth of God’s word.

Relax.  It’s all in His plan.  

Do not turn to the right or the left, but hear that voice behind me that says, “this is the way; walk in it.”  And have peace.

Pause.

Breathe.

Search Him.

Yield.

Obey.

Love deep and full and for real...no matter what.