Memories of our Tom

I first met Tom and Karen when they visited me while I was pregnant with Brandon and working at the Heaven Sent Christian bookstore (the one Joyce owned).  They often came in and chatted with me; and I loved when they did.  I quickly began to speak of them as my favorite people in Borrego.  There was just something so warm and loving and sincere in their countenance and conversation.  I wanted to know them both more and better.  I hoped to be their friends one day so I could have this opportunity.  They are truly a very special couple.

When we visited PEI in 2009, Tom was hospitable and sweet.  He had a special room on the 3rd floor of his house where the boys loved to play.  3-year-old Silas discovered some model cars on the shelves near his desk...they were not meant to be played with.  Si found these hands-off cars quite irresistible and broke a couple of them.  We were very upset about it when we found out and apologized to Tom.  They were expensive cars and we were worried about replacing them.  He went on to say that they were just cars and only sit up there collecting dust and not to worry about it.  I, however, couldn't get it off my conscience.  This year when he returned to Borrego from PEI, he gave each of the boys (including Jamie) one of those "demolition derby" cars.  His generosity is incomparable and his forgiveness good.  In fact, I am quite sure our destructive Silas was never a burden to him.  He loved us well.

Just before last Christmas I got really sick.  Jamie had to work but attended the men's breakfast that day at the church.   Jamie told Tom how sick I was.  Tom picked the boys up for me that day and took them down to Target so they could pick out some Christmas gifts to give to me and J.  They got Jamie a power strip and a bag of peanuts.  I got a beautiful incense/oil burner and peanuts.  :)

When I was trying to lose my weight last year, I often bumped into Tom at the Fudge Factory, and he'd share a bagel with me so we'd both not eat too much.  And one day at church, we met at the refreshment table at the same time and picked up a cookie.  He looked at me and said: "I'll put mine back if you put yours back."  So we did and walked away accomplishing self-control in that moment...together. :)  What a doll!

I lost 25 pounds in the past year and Tom often affirmed me and encouraged me and told me how proud he was of me and how good I looked.  Like a proud daddy or grandpa...and so fun and dear.  It's just not right that he is gone.

A couple of months ago, I had an especially difficult time with Silas one Sunday morning.  I was quite upset about it and was crying after church one day.  I was telling my mom about it when Tom came over to see what was wrong.  He gave me the handkerchief in his pocket.  Last week, I was folding the whites and pulled the handkerchief out of the basket.  I don't think he and Karen will mind if I keep it.

In recent months, I've been learning how to run the sound system.  Since I usually am alone with the boys, Tom asked if he could sit with them for me while I was occupied int he sound booth.  So in recent weeks, the boys have been sitting with Tom in church.

He and Jamie occasionally got together to work out at the Road Runner Club.  He had asked Jamie to work out with him the morning he died.  And Jamie didn't.  It's something we think about, though we know God is sovereign...and we don't take responsibility...but there are "what ifs" in our minds.  What if Jamie was there when he fell?  But God, You know the number of all our days.

The Friday before Tom walked into the welcoming arms of Jesus, the boys and I drove down to Christmas Circle to got o the Farmer's Market.  I parked the car and after we were done at the market, we walked to the post office, and the library.  From the Library we waited to cross the street to go to the store.  We were on one side of Palm Canyon and Tom was on the other.  We waved and smiled and shouted.  It was quite traffic-y and eventually we were able to start crossing.  Tom made it to the center of the street first, held his hands out to stop all traffic for me and the boys.  We hugged, the boys high-fived Mr. Tom; and we went on to our opposing sides of the street.

Every year as summer ends and the snowbird season begins here in Borrego, I am always so anxious for the arrival of Tom and Karen from PEI.  It always seems to take the longest time for them to return and I'm always dreading the day that they leave us for the summer.  I wonder now how long we will have to wait until we see our Tom again.  Longer than a few months, I'm afraid.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus.  We miss our friend.

Simplify.
Enjoy what's real.
Live.
Love.
Reach.
Pursue beauty...and truth...and peace.
GOD.
Creator.
Avenger.
King.
Good.
Perfect.
Right.
Satisfying.
My cup overflows.

"If the Lord wills, we will do this or that..."

We left our Monterey hotel this morning with grand plans to end up in L.A. at a friend's house.

Silas: "Mommy, where are we going today?"
Mommy: "We are hoping to make it to Mr. Wayne's house."
Silas: "What if we don't make it?"
Daddy: "Oh, we'll make it."

So we made our way down the coast on highway 1.  We fixed our gaze out the window across the ocean.  For days we've been hunting for whales and haven't seen a single one.  I gave up, picked up a book and began to read aloud.  After the first two pages, I glanced up.  
What was that?!  Did I see a whale spout?  
Yes!  
Stop the car!  This is it!  
How could I have seen it in one little glance?  I was reading after all.  
But, yes, there it is again.  A whale.
Finally.
The truck coasts to a hasty stop and out we jump; camera, binoculars in hand.  We see him fluke and spray and roll...way out in the distance.

We are captivated.

The spray center right in the photo is our whale. :)

After a long pause as we spy this one in the distance, we finally decide to continue on.  If we don't, we'll never make it to Los Angeles.  We drive 15 more minutes...  ROAD CLOSED. 
What?  A rock slide? Were there signs?  How far back is the detour?  50 miles?  All the way back to Monterey?  Really?  This will add 4 hours to our day.

There were signs.  We were too busy looking for whales.

What's that verse again?

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life?  it is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.  Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.'  But now you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil." (James 4:13-16)

Right.  AS THE LORD WILLS.

Jamie met a CHP officer who told us about a secret waterfall and a beach with purple sand and elephant seals.

We found the waterfall.  

We found purple sand.  

We found the Lord's will for our day

...and it was way better than our plans. 

L.A. will come tomorrow, as will the elephant seals.  ...if the Lord wills.
Today, Brandon said it was "a great and fun day."

It was.

 We're in Cambria tonight at a cozy motel.  Just south of San Simeon.

Thank you, Father, for being so totally sovereign.

thankful...#19

19. Chuck Smith.  Pure joy.  Love.  Peace.  How I want to aspire to be.

Greg Laurie interviews Chuck Smith.

Watch this.  It will bless you beyond imagination.

(What is 1000 Gifts?)

childlike faith

Last Monday night, I received a mysterious text from my darling Aunt asking if we had time for a visitor the following day.  Umm, yeah!

She arrived by 9am on Tuesday morning.

In our preparation to welcome her, Brandon asked me, "Mommy, Great Aunt Toby doesn't know Jesus, does she?"
"No, she doesn't, sweetie," I said.
"Well then, we need to tell her."
"Yes, we do.  Knowing Jesus is the most important thing we do in our whole life."

I didn't know if Brandon really had anything planned and so we continued cleaning up the house (it had gotten neglected...nothing like a surprise visitor to whip us/it into shape in light speed!).

She arrived and the boys were so excited that I'm pretty sure they pulled every toy they own out of their room to show to her.  Silas dragged out this gun and that gun.  LOL.  Eventually we sat down at the table for some pancakes and pears.

Brandon: "Great Aunt Toby?  I want to read something to you."  He proceeded to pull out and read from his Bible various memory verses he had collected from church in recent weeks.  "I'll be right back, Great Aunt Toby, there's something I have to get from my room."  He returned a few seconds later with a neon green bracelet with the words "Jesus made me special" stitched onto it.  "Great Aunt Toby, do you know why I am wearing this bracelet?"

After breakfast, she and I collected the dishes, cleaned up, and chatted.  Brandon entered the kitchen and said, "Great Aunt Toby, I want to read my Bible to you."  Me: "Brandon, can you wait a minute until we finish talking?"  So, Brandon with his Bible sat on the bench in the dining room and patiently waited for us to finish.  Finally, I realized (yes, some of us are slower than others) his motive.  He wanted to share God's Word, God's love and Jesus with my Aunt whom we all love so dearly and pray for so often and desperately plea with the Lord for her salvation and that of her entire family.  I asked him to read to Aunt Toby in the living room while I finished cleaning up.  He read the most random passage from 1 Samuel....all I could hear was something about boiled meat. LOL.  And she helped him with all the hard words...and it blessed my heart.  (All the while, Silas was blasting into the living room with this weapon and that.  Bahahaha!)  It was certainly a sight!  So funny and sweet.  But later as I pondered the morning and really let Brandon's actions settle into my core, I realized that it wasn't just sweet or cute, it was all that I desire as a mother: to raise children who understand the most precious thing in life is Jesus and to introduce others to Him.  It is EVERYTHING.  My 7-year-old, more bold than I, did what I should have done many times over.  And he did it without considering rejection, ridicule, embarrassment.  What a sweet gift he desired to give to my Aunt.  And what a blessing he is to my own heart.

My Aunt is so beautiful and dear to me.  I love her life and her attitude about things.  I see in her so much of what I want to be.  Her first grandchild will arrive in another month...and I am a little jealous of this precious one soon to be born because I have coveted and loved her attention and affection imparted to my own boys.  Soon, she will have her own grandson to embrace, snuggle, chase and have fun with.  Really, I am glad.  Everyone should have a grandma like the one she is going to be.

Share Jesus with your children and with all --- in love, in word, in deed, and in truth.  Raise disciples of Him who gave everything for you and for me and do not hinder them to share.

Have childlike faith.

"Whoever receives one of these little children in My name, receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me." ~Mark 9:37

our D.C. excursion, part 7: the Grande Finale

(for the beginning of this series, click here.)

Tobi and Rich dropped us at our hotel in D.C.   After getting some laundry taken care of, we walked a mile or so to the most charming Irish Pub you ever saw...with real Irish people working there displaying their hospitality.

The next day, we headed over to the National Mall where we took in the Jefferson Memorial, had lunch with some of the CWA staff at their offices, visited the Star Spangled Banner at the American History Museum, pored over the greatest documents of freedom any nation has ever created at the National Archives (I tell ya, staring at George Washington's signature on the Constitution is something else), and eventually made our way toward Union Station to get some dinner and head back to the hotel.

This is, by far, the best exhibit in the Museum.
Take a minute to listen to this audio drama
(specifically the Star Spangled Banner episode)
before going to see this incredible work of history.

Thursday came and we set out for Mount Vernon.  We caught a bus from the Metro station and spent the majority of our day walking the grounds of the beautiful home of George Washington.

This is undoubtedly my very favorite place in America and perhaps the world.  Considering George Washington is indeed "First in war; First in peace; and First in the hearts of his countrymen," the opportunity to visit his home is a great privilege.  To walk through the rooms he resided and to stroll the land surrounding the mansion...well, it makes you realize why he loved it so very much; why he never wanted to leave his beloved Mount Vernon.

"I can truly say I had rather be at Mount Vernon with a friend or two about me, than to be attended at the Seat of Government by the Officers of State and Representatives of every Power in Europe." ~G.W.

our D.C. excursion, part 5: 9/11 Memorial

(For the beginning of our trip, click here.)

The only thing I wanted to see in New York was the recently opened 9/11 Memorial at Ground Zero.

It did not disappoint.

I reached my right hand forward over the black granite and swept my fingers over the name:

Renee A. May and her unborn child

Suddenly everything stopped.  I looked over toward the woman standing nearest me.  She had seen me reach my hand over the name.  Where before she was collectedly somber, her hands now covered her eyes as she convulsed with quiet sobs.

I saw at least 4 other such names.

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much you've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

~Matt Redman

"Never Once"

A work in progress - the Freedom Tower will rise to 1776 feet.

Survivor Tree.
This Callery Pear Tree was in the WTC Plaza,
was crushed and nursed back to health.
All the other trees at the Memorial
are swamp white oaks, so this one stands out
...as it should.

WTC Tridents can be seen through the unfinished museum scheduled to open next year.

(click here for part 6)

Confusing calling and task

"Once I began to exercise those (speaking) gifts, I assumed speaking was my calling.  God soon made very clear, however, that my calling was to surrender my life every day to His will, to be His woman, and to do what He asked, whatever that was.  I remember sensing Him speak to my heart, saying, 'Beth, I do not want you surrendered to an assignment.  I want you surrendered to Me.'  I realized that God did not want me 'hung up' on the kind of assignment He would give me.  He didn't want it to matter to me whether He asked me to teach the Word of God to a hundred people or to rock one baby in the church nursery.  My calling was to be abandoned to Him."  (Beth Moore - Jesus, The One and Only)

While He may be found. A prayer.

"Father, we know that Your hand is gracious to all who seek You, but that Your anger is against all who abandon You.  May we...seek You while You may be found and call on You while You are near." (Beth Moore)

__________________

Yes, Lord.  ...While You may be found.
Society views You as an impotent fairy tale.  Nothing is further from the truth!

You are abundantly sovereign; the Creator of every enormous and ferocious thing, and every intricate and microscopic thing.  We are surrounded by Your fingerprints and yet blind to the obviousness of them, or worse - we intentionally refuse to see because we want our own way...our own absurd and foolish way.  We elevate ourselves above the star-breathing Creator of the billions-of-galaxies universe.  We are arrogant and stupid.  And You are patient with us --- not willing that any should perish but that all would come to eternal salvation.  Professing to be wise, we become total fools.

O God!  Help us to see the truth and to let truth matter more to us than our own selfish and foolish desires.

Laura Ingalls-Wilder on Freedom

Laura stood stock still.  Suddenly she had a completely new thought.  The Declaration (of Independence) and the song (My Country Tis of Thee) came together in her mind and she thought, "God IS America's King."  She thought, "Americans won't obey any king on earth.  Americans are free. That means they have to obey their own consciences.  No king bosses Pa.  He has to boss himself.  "Why," she thought, "when I'm a little older, Pa and Ma will stop telling me what to do and there isn't anyone else who has a right to give me orders.  I will have to make myself be good."  Her whole mind seemed to be lighted up by that thought.  "This is what it means to be free.  It means you have to be good.  Our father's God, Author of Liberty, the laws of nature and of nature's God endow you with the right to life and liberty.  Then you have to keep the laws of God.  For God's law is the only thing that gives you a right to be free."

~Little Town on the Prairie, "Fourth of July" chapter, by Laura Ingalls-Wilder

wailing to dancing

After my abortion, I attended the Silent Voices PAS (Post-Abortion Syndrome) healing workshop.  It was wonderful beyond words and so effective.  While I sat there amongst these other 7 women who had suffered so deeply from the loss of their babies, I began to realize that I must choreograph them.  That Summer, I set to work on a 3-part piece about 8 women suffering through the trauma of their abortions- each unique story, each varying personality.  The following Spring, I set it on dancers from Grossmont College.  I came across these photos today and a card that read:

Kori,  Thanks for letting me be a part of your healing which is what I think this dance is for you.  Thanks also for reminding me that we are truly nothing without God and that we only have to look to Him for all that we need.  Amazing Grace. - how joyful!  Teri

part 1 - grieving
Teri is comforting me in the background.

part 3 - wholeness

 Another note I found simply says, 

"Someday, you and he will dance together in Heaven."

Three Cups of Tea

I just finished reading (with my ears) the audio book, Three Cups of Tea about Greg Mortenson's mission to build schools in Pakistan for Muslim girls.

Without commentating on the whole book which is totally unnecessary, I will mention 3 things that I gleaned from this true story.

1.  Any one person can do their part in changing the world.  Mortenson was a failure of a mountain climber (in his words) and had no earthly possessions.  Living in his car, he was able to get the funding he needed to build one school and then there was no stopping the great work he was doing and continues to do.

2.  Muslims, apparently, are not all terrorist/bomber/airplanes-into-buildings psychopaths.  Maybe you already knew this, but I was not convinced.  Now, I'm not saying that Islam is a "peace-loving religion" as some p.c. types like to say.  But, I will say that I was wholly impressed by how these Pakistani villages embraced an American who wanted to build schools FOR GIRLS.  In order for him to be able to do this, he had to have the approval of the communities he was serving.  And he got it.  Not only do they accept his schools, but they deeply love him (even though he is an infidel) and protected him...even willing to lay down their own lives.

My question to you...because I am totally ignorant in this area...is:  If these uneducated villages and people, once educated, begin to read through their own Koran and read the commands to kill the infidels, will they then become the extremists they currently condemn?  Why are so many Muslims murderers and terrorists, and then you have these, as mentioned in the book, that embrace the infidel?  Is it like a carnal "Christian" (who is not really a Christian at all) versus a Christian walking with the Lord?  Or a Catholic who is Catholic by family tradition only versus a true Jesus-following, born again Catholic?  The problem with these comparisons is that none of them seek to destroy those who are unlike them.
This story has enlightened me to the idea that not all Muslims I encounter want to kill me.  Yes, I think that sometimes.

3.  The idea that change will come through education and growing children in truth and non-brainwashing.  We can't drop a bunch of bombs and get the expected immediate result of peace and tranquility.  It must be grown.  And that takes time.  I am doing that in my own home for my own country.  I must raise the next generation of truth-lovers and patriots.  That is how we will change the tyrannical direction of this country.  So, of course, it makes sense that that is how things can change in terrorist nations.



Do I recommend this book?  Yes. ...unless there is another like it out there that gives glory to God, as He is never mentioned in this book.  However, that being said, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:7)  There are many times I thought, "There is no way this guy could be as successful as he is in such dangerous territory without the blessing, protection, and provision of God."

As stunning as the flag they carry.

The USMC Color Guard from Camp Pendleton.
My favorite parade entry every year.
Real life heroes.

WALK

I read Sally's latest post today and then the boys and I went for a walk.