My interview on Cradle My Heart radio

As many of you know God took me to the heights of healing and redemption after a devastating abortion when I was 19.  

A week or so ago, I had the privilege of recording an interview with the sweet Kim Ketola and Cradle My Heart Radio.  The interview will air this Sunday evening at 9pm Eastern.

Please pray that it will draw post-abortive women (and men) to seek hope, healing, and forgiveness.  And please share if you think it might help someone.

• Here is the link to the announcement.
• You can also listen to an archive of it after it broadcasts by clicking on "Latest Podcasts" (scroll down to "Cradle My Heart") or on iTunes, or here.

Bless you!

One spark causes a firestorm.

Darling Michelle Smith, daughter to my CWA Area Director predecessor, Ruth Smith, wanted to write a little thing about me for The Desert Review online news.

Since I have been so committed to this fight for life and against the baby-killing Planned Parenthood scheduled to open in El Centro, CA, I have become a regular to the Imperial Valley.  The opportunity to work with Concerned Women for America has raised the volume of my personal voice on this issue.  I am very thankful that God chooses to send me.  It is not a place of comfort or familiarity to me, but I prefer to be obedient to Him who redeemed and saved me than comfortable in my own skin.

This article, "Making An Impact One Life At A Time", blessed me so much and I hope it will encourage you.  So many don't love what I do, so it's nice when someone does and goes out of their way to make mention of it.  I don't deserve this.  I am, in fact, selfish and a failure in so many ways.  But, I do love Jesus and try to do my best...much of the time.  ;)

I've been reading (ever-so-slowly) the amazingly brave and good William Bradford's Of Plymouth Plantation.

Read this yesterday:

Thus out of small beginnings greater things have been produced by His hand that made all things of nothing, and gives being to all things that are; and, as one small candle may light a thousand, so the light here kindled hath shown unto many, yea in some sort to our whole nation; let the glorious name of Jehovah have all the praise.

Shine.  Kindle your flame.  Light another.  Be brave!  You can make a difference!

Bravery

Tonight , I did the scariest thing ever.  Like Esther, we must say "And if I perish, I perish."

I spoke to a group of Board members for a hospital, urging them to not accept a transfer agreement with Planned Parenthood which will allow them to perform abortions.  I shared my personal Planned Parenthood abortion experience.  

It wasn't beautiful or eloquent. But it was obedience and truth. I am content. If you prayed for me, thank you so much. I was such a foggy, fumbling mess. 

Here's what I journaled tonight to give you an idea of my state. I'm still crying...probably just build up from my last few days of fearfulness. Glad it's over...for now. 

_____________________

Bravery is like love.

You do not have to feel love or affection toward someone to be able to display love to them, or to love them. So it is with bravery. A person doesn't have to feel brave to be brave. You just do bravery. Like you do love.

Tonight, I was brave. I didn't look brave. I didn't sound brave. I was afraid, and I was brave. Bravery is doing what is right when it is hard and when you don't want to. Bravery is fighting for virtue and nobility and truth when the world is upside down and is standing against you. Bravery is saving life when no one else will. Bravery is doing what you fear the most because you know you must. It doesn't always look beautiful. It doesn't always sound eloquent. Sometimes it looks really messy and sort of disastrous, but in your heart you know you did the bravest thing you could do in that moment. You know that no matter what the end result is, you stood, you spoke, you may have cried, but you did it anyway. Bravery is showing that no matter who you are, you can be brave. Anybody can be brave. Bravery is being brave so that someone else may be inspired to be brave, too.

What may be no big deal to one person is a monumental obstacle to another. I spoke for a whopping four minutes to a bunch of people I do not know with a shaky voice and foggy mind and teary eyes and trembling hands and fidgety feet and overwhelming fear. But I did it! And we never are alone. And this is not a scary thing to other people. But it is to me.

When you can see the disaster you are and still know that you obeyed the Creator of the universe; and be ok with how good or not-so-good it went... And settle in your heart and mind, “God, you asked. I said yes even though I am afraid. You knew how I would be. And You are pleased with me anyway. Because You love obedience more than sacrifice. And so I will rest in You. Make me brave over and over again...no matter how hard it is. I will walk through this valley if You want me to. I will walk through this fire if You want me to.”

That is everything. God's will is everything. Peace and fullness, and life abundant.

If nothing else, let me be genuine. Let me be real. Let me be true. More of Him. Less of me.

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reasons why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through this valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not finished with me yet

So if all these trials that bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

And it may not be the way I would've chosen

When You lead me through a world that's not my home

But you never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through

And I will go through this valley if You want me to.

  

~from "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

Be brave, my precious brothers and sisters. Keep eternity in your sights.

_____________________

So, what happened at this meeting?

The Board decided to grant the transfer agreement even though the vote was not on the agenda.  They cowardly took it during closed session after the crowd upwards of 1500 people dispersed.   Attorney David Gibbs (from the 2005 Terry Schiavo case), myself, and a pastor spoke on behalf of the Imperial Valley pro-lifers. David Gibbs was on fire. It was a blessing to be there beside him. Pastor Chris Nunn is an inspiration to be sure.  Attorney Gibbs offered his supreme court level legal representation pro-bono, but the Board hastily took the vote.  For more information, go here.

Please Protect Life because...

Californians For Life is promoting a campaign called

"Please Protect Life because..."

Click here for more information, 

and take a peek at the promo vid I got to do:

 Here are the boys' entries: 

even a little child knows

"...No one wanted to let it appear that he could see nothing, for that would prove him unfit for his post... 

'But he has nothing on!' said a little child. 

The emperor was startled by this, for he had a suspicion that they were right.  ...So he held himself more stiffly than ever, and the chamberlains held up the train that was not there at all."  ~The Emperor's New Clothes 

If you don't know this story, find it and understand it.

In our studies of the 1960's, we stumbled across a book about the Kennedy brothers.  Beautifully illustrated and sweet, yet it fails (as most books do) to hit the reality of the truth.  In this case it promoted a sweeping assumption of "fighting for the rights of all." What does that really mean?  We live in a world where two diametrically opposite opinions can be discussed and seem not so different after all... because we use the same words but the definitions of those words are polar opposites.

Example:  Women's rights.  On the liberal front, this means providing abortion to any woman who wants one resulting in the death of an innocent person.  Alternately, on the conservative front, it means equality among the sexes: equal pay, equal opportunity, etc.  Granted, I think the conservative perspective is also that of the libs, but they are so blinded by their obsession with abortion that they can see nothing else.

Yesterday, we were reading specifically about Edward Kennedy and his "fight for the rights of all" and how wonderful and great he was, but what is omitted here is that he was an undying advocate of abortion.  I don't care who you are and how many nice words can be said about you, if you permit murder, then you are a murderer.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "Boys, it's true that the Kennedy's were influential and it seems genuinely that they wanted to affect good in our country, but Edward Kennedy wanted abortion to be legal."  (My boys's mouths dropped wide-open at this point.  They are in utter disbelief that people think abortion should be ok.)  "He (Ted Kennedy) said he wanted women to have rights and in his mind he believed that a woman's right is to be able to have an abortion." 

Silas (6 years old): "Doesn't he know that some of the babies that die would grow up to be women?!  What about their rights?"

Thank you, Silas.  Even a child understands how absurd the arguments for abortion are.

Only a child lacked the hesitation to speak what was plainly before them all: The Emperor was naked.

See October Baby!

It comes out this week.

Don't miss it!

Abolish Abortion

more for Feinstein

...and when Boxer responds, I'll be cc-ing these to her.

After further thought on my last email to Feinstein, I had another inquiry of Senator Feinstein.  Here it is:




Dear Ms. Feinstein,

Regarding your failure to support the Blunt (conscience protection) amendment, AND your enthusiastic support of the unConstitutional HHS mandate requiring employers (including religious employers...even private businesses run by religious men/women) to pay for birth control/abortifacients that strongly violate their faith and consciences [and be sure that We The People are aware that the "compromise" is only an accounting maneuver that will require employers to pay via premiums]; how do you justify this when your top priority as a Senator of the United States is to defend the Constitution...chief of which is religious liberties?  I'm curious to know how you are able to prioritize birth control/abortifacients as more important than the 1st Amendment to the Constitution.

Can you please respond and explain this to me?  You took an oath to protect the Constitution, not to provide birth control/abortifacients.

I don't see the logic.

Kori Peterson

___________________

I'll keep you posted on how this goes.  I don't have high hopes.  But would love for her to tell me the Constitution doesn't matter to her...because I'm not sure it does.

our D.C. excursion, part 5: 9/11 Memorial

(For the beginning of our trip, click here.)

The only thing I wanted to see in New York was the recently opened 9/11 Memorial at Ground Zero.

It did not disappoint.

I reached my right hand forward over the black granite and swept my fingers over the name:

Renee A. May and her unborn child

Suddenly everything stopped.  I looked over toward the woman standing nearest me.  She had seen me reach my hand over the name.  Where before she was collectedly somber, her hands now covered her eyes as she convulsed with quiet sobs.

I saw at least 4 other such names.

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much you've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

~Matt Redman

"Never Once"

A work in progress - the Freedom Tower will rise to 1776 feet.

Survivor Tree.
This Callery Pear Tree was in the WTC Plaza,
was crushed and nursed back to health.
All the other trees at the Memorial
are swamp white oaks, so this one stands out
...as it should.

WTC Tridents can be seen through the unfinished museum scheduled to open next year.

(click here for part 6)

taught to pray by an unbeliever

An unbelieving woman taught me the priority of prayer.

My fondest memories of bedtime were in the upstairs bedroom of my grandparent's house.  Two twin beds with white bedspreads and clean, crisp, cool sheets.  Walls papered in pink and white with large, happy sunflowers.  Collections of playful nick-nacks in the shelved headboard.  Grandma tucked my sister and I each tightly in our beds so we could barely move "cozy, ozy, ozy," she would say.  She then sat on the edge of one of our beds and led us in prayer.  One I imagine she prayed as a little girl and took the liberty of altering.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  God bless (and here the long list from the hearts little girls could go on forever) Mommy, Aunt Toby, Uncle Troy, Uncle Todd, Gramma, Grandpa, Ingrid (their dog), my teacher, my best friend... (until Gramma finally decided, 'Honey, let's just say, "God bless everybody,"' probably so she wouldn't be trapped in the sunflower bedroom for an hour while we listed every person we ever knew that we wanted God to bless.) Amen."

And so an unsaved woman (hopefully not so today as I trust her to have been safely welcomed into the arms of Jesus from her deathbed) taught me to always, always pray before bed and before mealtimes.  And I am thankful for this lesson in what's important.


The other night I saw an interview with Andrew Breitbart and he said that our culture by default is liberal.  Though this is definitely true today, it wasn't always so.  My Grandmother, not a Christian in reality, was a morally conservative by default...because the culture in which she was raised was a God-fearing one.  I often sarcastically joke that if you're born in America or eat a hamburger, then you must be a Christian...as this was the mentality of many Americans for so long.  This is not wholly true any longer.  Now, if you are born American, you are an immoral liberal by default.  That is the setting for which we fall into.  Which is indeed what scripture says of those who do not follow Jesus.  You are either for Him or against Him.  There is no complacent or neutral place in the middle. (Rev. 3:16)  I have quoted it many times and here it comes again: "In the absence of Biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture." (Sally Clarkson)
To the credit of those previous generations who claimed to be Christian but in actuality were not, at least they deeply desired goodness, truth, and morality which resulted in a blessed society.   Why did they have this foundation?  Because prayer and Bible were a regular part of their day as they were growing up.  Removing these two pillars has only resulted in a culture of relativism (everyone doing what is right in their own eyes), destruction (a million unborn per year murdered), irresponsibility and passing the blame, an entitlement mentality, and a rampantly bold flaunting of the most horrific sins of men...and pride therein.

"Pride goes before destruction,

and a haughty spirit before a fall."  

~Proverbs 16:18

I recently read that, though people aren't turning to God in droves, there is becoming a greater contrast between light and darkness in our culture. This means that those following righteousness and truth are following it boldly and not lukewarmly.  I think this is incredibly encouraging that people of Jesus aren't just getting in by the skin of their teeth, but are committing with full devotion with their heart, soul, mind, and strength.  This is what changes a generation for real.

Let us not settle for mediocre.  We have a greater purpose in Him!  We must influence others toward righteousness and eternal bliss by lovingly exposing them to the deep, deep love of Jesus.

"All great change in America and (if I may add) the world begins at the dinner table." ~Ronald Reagan (...and a teeny bit of me)

Bless you,

a new perspective

The Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. (2 Tim. 2:24-26)

I am detouring off my regular morning quiet time to write instead.  This was the first passage in my study today about "gentleness," one of the fruit of the Spirit (Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself study into the fruit of the Spirit is wonderful).  It confounded me because I so often find myself in conversations with those that oppose me - whether it be over Biblical or political/moral convictions.

First of all, let me clearly state that what I believe isn't just some far-fetched idea that has no standing.  Faith in God is certain, it is unchanging, it is firm, it is enduring because He is certain, unchanging, firm, and enduring.  His Word (the Bible) is solid.  I may change my mind about many things in my lifetime, but God does not change.  Politics, social issues, and our culture may change and evolve, but God tells us what to think of such things as the value of life, homosexuality, freedom, bondage, etc.  And if I am standing firm on His eternal, unchanging way, then my stance will not waiver...even if the cultural tide changes.  So much of the world is blown about with different "winds of doctrine." (Eph. 4:14)  We change our ideas as the wind changes.  Some think this ever-evolving, "tolerant" (of all things except the one true God) relativism is the way to go, but I choose to think for myself and to cling to that which I know that I know that I know:

• God, 
• absolute truth as defined in His holy and enduring Word, 
• freedom because Jesus has set us free (Gal. 5:1),
• life deeply valuable because God has created men and women in His image,
• the incredible effectiveness of a husband and wife family as the foundation of society.

In the words of the great Del Tackett: "Do you really believe that what you really believe is really real?"  (If you haven't seen The Truth Project yet, purpose in your heart to see it.  Ask to show it in your church.)

So, as I read this passage this morning, I am so encouraged to see God address in His holy scriptures how to deal with those who oppose us (just as He addresses all that concerns us - "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through Him who called us by His own glory and goodness" ~2 Ptr. 1:3).  With those that oppose me, I must be gentle and kind, able to teach and not resentful.  Ok, so I am not always gentle, kind, able to teach or un-resentful...but I want to be.  I must check the motive of my heart.  Do I just want to be right, or do I want to gently teach others to walk in truth and righteousness for the sake of their eternal souls?  The very fact that verses 25 & 26 say these words encourages me greatly: "...in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."
Wow!  There is hope!  How often do I forget that the whole world is under the sway of the evil one?  "For we battle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."  (Eph. 6:12)  Yes!  It is true!  Those who are relentless in the destruction of the unborn and deceptively re-word their cause as "women's rights," those who destroy the family and the God-ordained (He is after all incomprehensibly wiser than us with our little pea brains) role of men and women --- folks who fight tooth and nail for these hideous affairs are under the influence of the most wickedly evil being ever to exist.  But greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.  (1 Jn. 4:4)  Pray that God will grant them knowledge of the truth, to come to their senses, and escape the death grip the devil has on their lives.  We all are a slave to someone.  If we aren't serving God, then we are serving satan.

There is no walking the fence.

There is no neutral.

There is no middle ground.

Of course, I know this.  But to realize that God could lift the veil and enlighten them to the truth often alludes me...not because I think He can't do it, but because people have hardened their hearts so stubbornly against Him that He gives them over to their lusts, their uncleanness, and the dishonoring of their bodies. (Rom. 1: 24)  BUT GOD can turn a life 180 degrees.  

So, let's be kind, gentle, un-resentful, humble teachers praying at all times for the miraculous work of God in the hearts and minds of a world deceived by the enemy of our souls.  We aren't fighting each other, we are fighting an unseen and desperately wicked being.  How many times have we heard and said, "Love the sinner, hate the sin" ?

Look at the next passage in 2 Timothy

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power....

Well, I can put a check mark by all those adjectives, can you?

Look up for your redemption draws near (Lk. 21:28).  In the meantime, let love, kindness and gentleness rule in your heart and thus in your conversation ("For out of the abundance of the heart does the mouth speak." -Mt. 12:34) in the glorious hope that truth will reign in souls destined for eternal loss so that they may be eternally delivered; so that in this world babies will be valued and granted life; so that those who follow truth will raise a generation of truth-lovers and world-changers.

Let's see those who oppose us in a new perspective today.  Lost, wickedly influenced, deeply loved of God, in the image of their Creator.  And let's be instant in prayer for them, and for us to respond well.

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

Thanks for sitting in on my Bible study this morning. :)
Bless you,

Planned Parenthood stats I just came across

Chew on this:

• More than 324,000 innocent lives are killed every year by this, America's largest abortion provider.
• Last year, PP received $363 million from taxpayers (yes, that means you!) - more than 1/3  of its total budget.

Seems like someone needs to be defunded.  

As I recently wrote to a friend, "Taxpayers who are religiously and morally against abortion should not be forced to pay for it.  If I pay for the death of someone, I am a murderer. By using taxpayer dollars to fund Planned Parenthood, I am being forced to sin.  I have enough sin and mistakes to worry about without having the government force me into it."

(Stats from Concerned Women for America Legislative Action Committee)

seeing the promise afar off

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. (Heb. 11:13)

Reading through the "Hall of Faith" this morning and taken captive by this verse as I often have tried to express this thought myself, but of course scripture says it most concisely.  It speaks of Abraham and Moses and so many who longed for the Promised Land and never saw it for themselves but trusted the promise of God that it would come to their posterity.

And so it was for the Pilgrims who called themselves "stepping stones," yearning and pursuing freedom to worship God in a free country...most never seeing it for themselves, but knwoing that it wasn't for themselves that they were pursuing it, but for their children and their children's children.  And America's founding heroes: Nathan Hale, the 7 minutemen who perished at the Lexington Battle Green, and multiple others who sacrificed and died that a nation might be free.  They never saw it for themselves, but their children, grandchildren, and great-great-great-great grandchildren embrace the freedom (albeit not with enough appreciation) their ancestors pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor for.  Thank you to those who can't hear the words from me.  They are long gone from this earth but so many reside in the eternal city where I will one day join them and offer my inadequate thanks and appreciation.

Not mentioned are the brave slaves who risked their lives and families for freedom as they fled through the underground railroad, or Martin Luther King who sought equal rights for all, yet never saw it for himself.  Freedom came.  Freedom lives.  And we must continue to hold onto it tightly and never give up the fight.

And so, we who fight for the lives of the unborn may never see it in our day, but we keep on so that our children's children's children may have life and not be snuffed out of earthly existence.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. (Galatians 6:9)  

We may be the stepping stones for the millions of unborn that will live to see the light of day.  To God be the glory.  It is God who gives freedom, who gives life.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now, choose life so that you and your children may live.  (Dt. 30:19)  

Thank you, Ronald Reagan, for fighting for righteousness.

Happy 100th birthday.  You are treasured, loved, and deeply missed.

"Shades of Blue" by Karen Kingsbury

This is fantastic fiction.

I've never read Karen Kingsbury before and I know I will be reading more from her.

Her record of the effects of Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS) are incredibly accurate.  I had trouble believing that she hadn't suffered through it herself.  She also was able to write about such a dark and depressing subject in a really non-depressing way.  She was thorough in regard to the effects of abortion to all  possibly involved or affected.  Amazing.

This has to be one of my very favorite books.  Read it!  Buy a few copies and give them as gifts.  This not only is a great story, but there is a deeper, more noble cause and it is that the truth of abortion must be exposed and women must find healing.  Sharing this book is a really casual, non-condemning, non-judgmental way to do it.

Lessons from Horton

"Should I put this speck down?..."  Horton thought with alarm.

"If I do, these small persons may come to great harm.

I can't put it down!  And I won't!  After all

A person's a person no matter how small."

~Horton Hears A Who

How I connect with Horton...no, not because I view myself as an elephant (at least not in this case), but because of his passion to protect the innocent and to secure their survival.

Reading this story twice through with my boys tonight for the first time and I wonder what the great Dr. Seuss was alluding to.  Obviously some innocent, helpless being.  

To the Mayor:  "Don't give up!  I believe in you all!

A person's a person no matter how small!

And you very small persons will not have to die

If you make yourselves heard!  So come on, now, and TRY!"

"...I'll not be silent..." Psalm 30:12

I've spent the last week captivated in the pages of Shades of Blue by Karen Kingsbury.  I cried and prayed my way all the way through the story.  I relate to the author's heart to expose abortion for what it really is and what it really does, and to do so without condemnation or judgment.  How important it is to get the word out; to uncover the truth.  Don't be silent.  Spread the truth!  Share my story.  Talk about the in-womb babies as the little people they truly are.  Rejoice with a pregnant mom over the miracle being created within her.  Give someone this beautiful piece of fiction - read it yourself.  It is wonderful!

Last week the boys and I spent some time learning about Martin Luther King, Jr.  I was struck at his passion for freedom for his people, for ALL people.  Upon learning about his four children, and understanding that he was determined to peacefully bring about a change in culture even if it meant pain, imprisonment, and even death.  I wonder if Martin Luther King realized the cost to sacrifice himself for his children or even generations beyond his own immediate family...should it have taken that long.  And now, how he would be stunned that a black man is in the White House (though we may disagree vehemently with his policies).  Certainly, such a feat is a result of the great Martin Luther King, Jr.  

Like Moses, the Pilgrims, our Revolutionaries, and our Founding Fathers who fought for a life of freedom knowing they may never actually acquire it for themselves, but kept their eyes on the hope that freedom might come to "their posterity."  Martin Luther King, Jr. is no less a hero than these great ones.  Do we have that revolutionary spirit within us today for the sake of the unborn?  A significant part of culture refused to recognize blacks as people - seeing them only as property or "lesser" people.  There is no difference in how much of culture views the unborn: "a mass of cells", "tissue", not a whole person.  When the reality is that there are 10 fingers and 10 toes, brainwaves, and a heartbeat for every baby aborted.  An abortion will not occur earlier than 7 weeks.  The above-mentioned developments are well underway by then.  How deceived we have allowed ourselves to become.  

You have a voice.  Please, use it for those who do not.  Be as bold or as subtle as you feel comfortable but do something.

I exhort you -"Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin." ~James 4:17

"Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die." ~Proverbs 31:8 (emphasis mine)

 

You just may be able to influence another to see the truth too!

"How true!  Yes, how true," said the big kangaroo.

"And, from now on, you know what I'm planning to do?...

From now on, I'm going to protect them with you!"

And the young kangaroo in her pouch said...

"ME, TOO!"

You have a voice and you have influence.  Use it and be deeply and overwhelmingly blessed!  And stay tuned for more lessons from Horton.  This book is filled with them. ;)

Much love to you, 

wailing to dancing

After my abortion, I attended the Silent Voices PAS (Post-Abortion Syndrome) healing workshop.  It was wonderful beyond words and so effective.  While I sat there amongst these other 7 women who had suffered so deeply from the loss of their babies, I began to realize that I must choreograph them.  That Summer, I set to work on a 3-part piece about 8 women suffering through the trauma of their abortions- each unique story, each varying personality.  The following Spring, I set it on dancers from Grossmont College.  I came across these photos today and a card that read:

Kori,  Thanks for letting me be a part of your healing which is what I think this dance is for you.  Thanks also for reminding me that we are truly nothing without God and that we only have to look to Him for all that we need.  Amazing Grace. - how joyful!  Teri

part 1 - grieving
Teri is comforting me in the background.

part 3 - wholeness

 Another note I found simply says, 

"Someday, you and he will dance together in Heaven."

Lee

Ever since I posted my abortion story, I have received incredible feedback from every possible end of the spectrum that you can (and can't) imagine.  I received this one recently and got permission to share it.  Thank you for reading.  We must get the truth out there and change the tide of the pro-life/pro-choice battle.  A life is a life.  Women and men are hurting and babies are dying BY THE MILLIONS.

Kori,

Thanks for sharing your story about abortion. I, too, have an abortion story with a little different angle to it.

When Roe vs. Wade went into effect I was 22 and worked as a patient aide in GYN Surgery at a hospital in Portland OR.  My thoughts at the time were, "I would never do that myself and I think it is totally crazy, but people will have abortions whether or not they are legal and it would be better to have them done in sterile conditions rather than young girls using hair pins, crochet hooks, etc. and risk infection, or death trying to do it themselves."

Not long after abortion was legalized, a doc who practiced at the hospital came up with his own procedure for saline abortion.  That was safer than the regular needle procedure by using a balloon catheter to infuse the saline into the uterus, then the women were transferred to our floor to await labor and delivery. Of course they were never told that they would experience labor they were told it was just like having cramps during a period. It still makes me feel angry all the lies told to these young girls.

At first, I was totally fascinated by the development of the babies.  It was such a miracle of God to see how perfectly they were formed and it wasn't long before I was totally abhorred by the thought that anyone could want to kill their own flesh and blood.  What were they thinking?!  But, they just believed what they were told, that it was just a clump of cells and not a baby at all.

I can't tell you how often I wanted just to show them their baby and tell them, "Look what you just did! You killed your baby!"  Of course, I never did that because I would have lost my job.  It also always got to me when they asked if it was a boy or girl!  We, of course, told them that we couldn't tell, but we did know and could have told them except for medical policy.

There were always at least 2 abortions in progress and often 4 or more depending on how empty or full the GYN floor was for regular surgical patients.

Eventually, I felt like an accomplice to murder.  But, even though I didn't want to participate, and everyone on our floor felt the same, I had no choice so I tried to be a comfort to them in their pain.  However the result for me was that it literally rotted out my guts and I ended up having emergency surgery.  I was on so much phenobarb that I could barely even walk down the halls and do my job for a while.

I tried to transfer off that floor and work anywhere else in the hospital.  I was interviewed for many other positions but never got them.  Finally, at one of my interviews I was told, "You know, Lee, you can keep going for interviews but we all have been told by your nursing supervisor that we can interview but never hire you because she doesn't want to lose you. It is very hard to work with GYN patients and you are too good at it."

My observation of the girls who went through abortion was that 9 times out of 10 they were angry and hostile and not nice to be around. They were demanding and very selfish but maybe that is just the way they were acting out because of the guilt they felt.

We had one 13-year-old that had a 26-year-old boyfriend that had 3 abortions when her boyfriend should have been charged with statutory rape and put away instead of her having so many abortions!

I was always reminded of the 10 lepers because that was about the ratio of those who thanked us for our help. It was a very hard job that required a lot of physical labor after they delivered. Having to clean them up, change the bedding, and collect their unwanted child to be sent to pathology.

The one that really did me in was the one born alive.  That baby had more fat on it than my youngest daughter when she was born 2 weeks early! Of course, by the time I notified the charge nurse and her doctor the baby had died.

I have carried this burden so long.  It feels good to express it. I know that God has forgiven me and I know that He has used me to help some of the girls make a better choice or to comfort them in their need.

One I do remember was a gal that looked so much like one of my college roommates.  She was hard to forget and I still pray for her although I no longer remember her name.  She had a particularly hard delivery.  Because work was so slow that night I spent almost my whole shift with her and finally towards the end of the shift she delivered. I did the routine things, to clean her up, give her food, change her bed, etc., then went to do my charting for the night.  I was totally exhausted, mentally, physically and spiritually at that point. Then her light came on and my immediate reaction was one of anger that I expressed to my co-workers, "What, now, can she possibly want?"

So I went to answer her light and she was one of the few of the 10. "Lee, I know that I will never see you again in my life but I want you to know that I will never forget you as long as I live.  Thank you so much for being here with me when there was no one else, thank you for giving so much of your time and for helping me through this."  She was one that had been forced to have an abortion when she really didn't want to.  I have prayed through the years that she would receive God's healing that she will know how much God loves her.

One of my charge nurses always baptised the babies born on her shift because she had been taught that unless a baby is baptised it goes to hell.  I believe that scripture teaches otherwise.  I know that all those innocents went straight home to the arms of Jesus and what better place could they be?

Our society is such a sad commentary that they think that it is perfectly OK to commit premeditated cold blooded murder which is what I believe abortion to be.  Maybe not so much by the innocent girls that are lied to, but by the machinery that convinces them that it is just a clump of cells!

Roe vs. Wade has never been about a woman's right to her body - it has always and ever will be about the MONEY and that is all.

The young doctor that invented his own safer method for saline abortions became a millionaire his first year of practice and even though he didn't think it was a good thing he still did it because he might at least help a few to protect their reproduction system because if he didn't do them, someone else would.  Sad, Sad, Sad!

The end of my participation in abortions came the night I was helping to transfer a surgery patient.  She had grabbed a hold of my arm for dear life because the anesthetic made her think that an inch opening from the gurney to the bed was like the grand canyon!  The orderly from recovery was very impatient because he had many more patients to deliver to their floors so he took hold of the sheet and just whipped her into the bed which tore all the muscles from my spine from mid-neck to mid-back! That is what removed me from the floor and ended any career

in nursing for me.  I was all registered to get my RN when this happened so had to drop out.

What I wanted to do in life was get my MS in nursing so I could teach it but evidently God had other plans. :)

Both Tom and I think the world of you and Jamie! We love you lots!

Thanks for letting me share with you! I thought of just getting together with you sometime but I write better than I talk so decided just to tell you this way, of course I'm open to sharing too if you want.

Love in Jesus!

Lee

What a co-winky-dink!

The Mom Heart Intensive I attended in August was absolutely life-changing.  I am pleased to report that I believe the good changes made in my heart that weekend have stuck.  I can be an incredibly critical person, and I have gleaned so much grace-perspective from my time with Sally, her leaders, and the other women that joined me in the fantastically intense time of wisdom and charge.  I do want to walk "worthy of my calling."  And am so glad to be on my way to that end.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ~Paul, Ephesians 4:1-3

With Sally recently when she spoke for CFS (Christian Family Schools)
clockwise from left: Victoria, Dana, Kay, Lisa, me, Sally

Lisa (my roomie at the CO Intensive) and I saw Sally the other day and were able to spend a few very short minutes with her before she had to catch her flight home.  You should have seen how fast we were talking!  LOL!  Trying to get every thought and word and question in before she had to leave.  We even chased her to the car to exchange final words and thoughts.

As we talked over our frappuccinos (Pumpkin Spice is back at Starbuck's by the way-yum!), I noticed a beautiful silver ring on Sally's hand.  It caught my eye immediately and I was mesmerized my it.  A small heart looking like a mother and child nestling their heads together.  For anyone who knows me VERY well, I have doodled an almost identical pattern since the time of my abortion.  Me and my lost child now in Heaven.  The longer I gazed at her simple, but stunning ring, the more I realized that the similarity must not be a coincidence.  I purposed in my heart and mind that on our way out of Starbuck's I would ask her about the ring.  She was so sweet and mentioned that Cherie, one of the ladies from the Intensive, had sent it to her from Texas.  She went on explaining that it looked like a mother and child and it was a heart, etc.  "Of course!" I thought.  I had drawn it hundreds of times.  Nearly every day, I draw it!  I have a tattoo of it (since 2000), it is embossed on a wall in my home, and I often draw it onto the envelopes of letters I write.  Then she says to me, "It's a James-Avery."  My husband's name is James and my baby's name is Avery.

My Avery design.

There are no coincidences.  God is in everything.  Look for Him today and don't pass by without giving it a second thought.  He may want to surprise you with His love this day in an unexpected way.