Tonight , I did the scariest thing ever. Like Esther, we must say "And if I perish, I perish."
I spoke to a group of Board members for a hospital, urging them to not accept a transfer agreement with Planned Parenthood which will allow them to perform abortions. I shared my personal Planned Parenthood abortion experience.
It wasn't beautiful or eloquent. But it was obedience and truth. I am content. If you prayed for me, thank you so much. I was such a foggy, fumbling mess.
Here's what I journaled tonight to give you an idea of my state. I'm still crying...probably just build up from my last few days of fearfulness. Glad it's over...for now.
Bravery is like love.
You do not have to feel love or affection toward someone to be able to display love to them, or to love them. So it is with bravery. A person doesn't have to feel brave to be brave. You just do bravery. Like you do love.
Tonight, I was brave. I didn't look brave. I didn't sound brave. I was afraid, and I was brave. Bravery is doing what is right when it is hard and when you don't want to. Bravery is fighting for virtue and nobility and truth when the world is upside down and is standing against you. Bravery is saving life when no one else will. Bravery is doing what you fear the most because you know you must. It doesn't always look beautiful. It doesn't always sound eloquent. Sometimes it looks really messy and sort of disastrous, but in your heart you know you did the bravest thing you could do in that moment. You know that no matter what the end result is, you stood, you spoke, you may have cried, but you did it anyway. Bravery is showing that no matter who you are, you can be brave. Anybody can be brave. Bravery is being brave so that someone else may be inspired to be brave, too.
What may be no big deal to one person is a monumental obstacle to another. I spoke for a whopping four minutes to a bunch of people I do not know with a shaky voice and foggy mind and teary eyes and trembling hands and fidgety feet and overwhelming fear. But I did it! And we never are alone. And this is not a scary thing to other people. But it is to me.
When you can see the disaster you are and still know that you obeyed the Creator of the universe; and be ok with how good or not-so-good it went... And settle in your heart and mind, “God, you asked. I said yes even though I am afraid. You knew how I would be. And You are pleased with me anyway. Because You love obedience more than sacrifice. And so I will rest in You. Make me brave over and over again...no matter how hard it is. I will walk through this valley if You want me to. I will walk through this fire if You want me to.”
That is everything. God's will is everything. Peace and fullness, and life abundant.
If nothing else, let me be genuine. Let me be real. Let me be true. More of Him. Less of me.
The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reasons why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through this valley if You want me to
'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not finished with me yet
So if all these trials that bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to
And it may not be the way I would've chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will go through this valley if You want me to.
~from "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens
Be brave, my precious brothers and sisters. Keep eternity in your sights.
So, what happened at this meeting?
The Board decided to grant the transfer agreement even though the vote was not on the agenda. They cowardly took it during closed session after the crowd upwards of 1500 people dispersed. Attorney David Gibbs (from the 2005 Terry Schiavo case), myself, and a pastor spoke on behalf of the Imperial Valley pro-lifers. David Gibbs was on fire. It was a blessing to be there beside him. Pastor Chris Nunn is an inspiration to be sure. Attorney Gibbs offered his supreme court level legal representation pro-bono, but the Board hastily took the vote. For more information, go here.