Real Patriots in my heritage!

My recently-retired, darling Aunt Toby is taking on a new hobby: Ancestry research.

Apparently, my sixth great grandfather on my Grandpa McClain's side, John Drury Ledbetter, served in the 6th Virginia Regiment in the Revolutionary War.

This makes me (and all the women in my family) eligible to be a member of Daughters of the America Revolution.
Not sure that I will pursue that.  I am still researching it.  

Also, this fun find today:

"193 years before the Kori's birth, Colonel Arthur Forbis from Philladelphia, husband of 5th great grandmother Elizabeth Wiley (on the McClain side), was gravely wound during the Battle of Guilford Courthouse. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Guilford_Court_HouseHe died on March 15, 1781 [my birthday]
Elizabeth found him on the battleground. Upon his death, she applied for state aid was awarded 25 barrels of corn.She then married Arthur's brother Major John Forbis also a soldier in the Revolutionary War.
So that makes three patriots so far on Dad's side of the family."

Anyway, fun for me.  I feel like a revolutionary princess. :)  Very proud to have had family that served in securing the independence of this great nation.

a gentle tongue breaks a bone

A fellow Christian friend recently exhorted me to take to heart Philippians 4:8.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.”

I took it a bit like a slap in the face.  I don’t know her very well and she certainly doesn’t know me.  As one who takes exhortation seriously, I started to question my life.  Well, not my life, really.  But politics.  Politics may be true, not very often noble, rarely pure, definitely not lovely, of good report? please!, virtuous... a few politicians might be, praiseworthy - well, I’ll lump that in with those few virtuous politicians.

So, am I wrong to walk this path I just spent a good deal of time just last week confirming that God actually does have me on?  Am I bipolar?  Is God?  Does He or doesn’t He want me talking politics and exposing truth?  Am I to be the watchman or not?  Because, seriously, I really don’t want anyone’s blood on my head. (See previous post.)  And how did prophets of old settle this?  Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Isaiah?

Wait, it doesn’t say “think about this stuff only and never think of anything else”, it says “...MEDITATE on these things.” (emphasis mine.) 

Oh!  Well, that I can do!

It did cause me to rethink this thing that can often take over my life.  I get so wrapped up in the drama and injustices of this world that it quickly evolves into meditating.  Well, my exhorter would be right.  I ought not to dwell on the ugly, but instead the true, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, praiseworthy things.  Which is probably why every once in a while I have to seriously detox from politics.  I haven’t quite figured out how to not begin to drown in the horrid stuff.

One particular day in the not-so-distant-past, I had been especially vocal about the woes of American politics (I mean, really, have you ever seen so much darn corruption in this nation?  Ever?!) and I was just wiped out.  I felt like I had been assaulting all of Facebook.  And the Lord just quieted my heart and said, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”  Ok.  yes.  Time to pause.  Then, I click over to Sally Clarkson’s blog which basically cut my heart out. (http://www.itakejoy.com/standard-of-christian-conduct-for-facebook/)

After getting these not-so-gentle little messages, I spent a day in silence.  Here’s something about me.  When I am criticized (and please don’t take this as an invitation to do so), I actually take it to heart.  I grieve over it.  Whether it is a correct or incorrect criticism.  I go through some serious introspection...because more than anything in life, I want to be in the very center of God’s will.  Am I that way? Is it right to be that way?  How come I’m that way?  Everybody hates me and I want everyone to love me.  I’m a failure and I suck!  O Lord, I give up.  It’s just too hard.  Ok, I don’t give up because I can’t.  But God I love people and I want them to love me.  Why can’t everyone just love me and I can live that fluffy life everyone prefers?  Oh, that’s right.  I’m to please you and not men.  I want to please you and not men.  Help me to please you and not men.  And why am I such a freak?  (Really, you so don’t want to be me!!  There’s something wrong in the head here.)

About the same day as I was wondering why in the world I’m commanded to think only of fluffy things and yet am clearly called to expose the yuck (and the occasional, very rare happy story), I spoke with a precious sister who genuinely knows my heart.  She said, “Oh you just have to read the May 25th entry of Jesus Calling.”  So, on my ponderous, silent day, I did.

I’m quiet.  I’m reflective.  I’m sad that I can’t figure out how to pursue this calling correctly...it seems.  So, I pull out Jesus Calling, turn to May 25, and read:

“The world is too much with you, My child.  Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots.  When you think like that, you leave Me out of your worldview and your mind becomes darkened.  Though, I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom.  I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you.

When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together.  Your compulsion to ‘fix’ everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings.”

And for good measure, since this was on June 5th, I went ahead an peeked at that entry of Jesus Calling also:

“Remember that you live in a fallen world: an abnormal world tainted by sin.  Much frustrations and failure result from your seeking perfection in this life.  There is nothing perfect in this world except Me...

I have planted longing for perfection in every human heart.  This is a good desire which I alone can fulfill...”

I quickly texted my friend:

“Just read May 25 of Jesus Calling like you recommended.  Soooo good!  Exactly how I feel... And today’s - about the longing for perfection in our hearts.  So apt.  I want God’s perfect kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  Such a drive of my heart.  Just wanted to thank you for sharing, for praying, for being gentle with me.  Love you!”

So, here I’m noticing that there’s a theme, right?

I went back through Facebook posts and I don’t see any overt harshness or unloving-ness.   I am driven by love --- in obedience to my Savior and for my precious children who have a very grim future ahead of them.

But, I realize (as if this were some new revelation) that whether or not it sounds loving, I need it to actually BE loving...to a lost and hopelessly deceived world.  In reality, deep in my heart...90% of the time - I’m just frustrated with willful ignorance, irritated that people just keep on with the status quo, ticked off that we are being so audaciously abused by our own government, and fed up that so many just want someone else to do something about it while they sit on their patooties assuming everything is going to come up roses without lifting a finger to ensure it.   As true as all these things may be, the approach is everything and the heart behind it is what God is concerned with.  

“By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.” (Pr. 25:16)

“The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly.” (Pr. 15:2a)

And, not coincidentally, my Bible study happened to be in 1 Samuel 25 about the patient forbearance, wisdom, tact and couth of Abigail.

“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, an without hypocrisy.” (Jas. 3:17)

I want to and will apply this, and change, and do this right...even if it’s noticed only within my own heart’s attitude.  I want to use knowledge rightly.  I want to have patient forbearance and a gentle tongue...even when the truth is not in any way gentle.  I think unpleasantness is no reason to shy away from truth, but I hope to deliver it in a way that pleases the Lord.

(Pr. 15:1; Gal. 1:10)

I'm blowing the trumpet

“Again the word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Son of man, speak to the children of your people and say to them: ‘When I bring the sword upon a land, and the people of the land take a man from their territory and make him their watchman, when he sees the sword coming upon the land, if he blows the trumpet and does not take warning, if the sword comes and takes him away, his blood shall be on his own head.  He heard the sound of the trumpet, but did not take warning; his blood shall be upon himself.  But he who takes warning will save his life.  But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet, and the people are not warned, and the sword comes and takes any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at the watchman’s hand.” ~Ezekiel 33:1-6 

I see the sword coming and I WILL blow the trumpet.  I will blow it loud and long.


I read this passage to my husband this morning and he said, “Not everyone is a watchman, but for those that are, they must not be silent.”  yes.

You can either heed or not, but I will not let the willful ignorance of others be upon my head.  I warned, I shouted, I frustrated, I annoyed, I irritated.  Will anyone heed?

Some are down on me because I do not live a fluffy, cotton candy, ice cream cone life.  I have a calling.  It is mine.  It is not everyone’s, and that is fine.  But I will not veer from what the Lord has called me to.  I may be many things, but I am obedient and hope I will ever be, no matter the discomfort. And I will do my best not to rob others of the blessing of fulfilling their own calling.

"But you be watchful in all things, 

endure afflictions, 

do the work of an evangelist, 

fulfill your ministry."

~2 Timothy 4:5

(emphasis mine)

Wisdom calls out in to the streets.  But few listen.  Few heed.
We call the truth ‘fables.’  We tickle our itching ears.  We ignore reality.  We proclaim that the emperor has glorious robes, when we can plainly see he is naked.

I’m sorry if my message isn’t liked.  I would rather tell you cotton candy, fluffy, ice cream cone things because they are pleasant and positive.  That is actually more my personality.  I would rather dance through life with a happy face and no worries.  It would be easier to hide my head in the sand and pretend everything is honky dory.  I would rather people like me than scare them half to death with the truth.  But, I have to do what I have to do.  I do it because Something drives me to and I must.  I do it because I love this country.  I love the freedom God created for us.  We were born to be free!  Stand up and claim your freedom.  Fight for it!  Don’t let oppression come knocking at your door and mine because it was just too hard or unpleasant to stand for something.  

I do understand that we are free even if we are slaves in this world.  I get it.  But I will choose to be free in Christ AND a free American...as much as it depends on me.  And I will choose freedom for my children and their children and their children...and YOUR children.

“Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.” ~Reagan

So, please, heed for God’s sake. 

I spoke with CWA field director the other day and one of her statements was: “We are here to preach to the choir.”  2 Chronicles 7:14 calls HIS PEOPLE - not the unbelieving world - to humble themselves, pray, seek His face, turn from their wicked ways.  Church, please do what is right in the Lord and not according to your own opinion/preference and wild interpretations of the clear truths of scripture.  I beg you to walk straight.  I beg you to immerse yourself in His perfect Word, and know it extremely well.  I beg you to seek His face and pray.  I beg you to purge all ugliness and sin from your life.  It is up to us, the church.  And if we fail, then the land fails. This nation fails.  And yes, God is ever sovereign.  Israel was warned time and time again to turn to God to save their nation.  And when they did, the nation was spared.  But when they refused, it was awful...terrible.  The people of Israel turned to cannibalism for their stubbornness to obey God.  Please!  Don’t bring a horrible fate upon this nation.  

Oh, I am not anywhere near perfect.  I never, never see myself as such.  Every time I am criticized by one of you, it tears me apart and I have to search, search, search my heart and I always, always find deceit and wickedness in me.  I am worse than you know!  My heart is deceitfully wicked!  But you must know that, though, I often am frustrated at the willful ignorance of people who have the truth at their fingertips, and though I often am outraged at what I see going on around us; my heart is ever driven toward righteousness.  My heart is for God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  My heart is for protecting my children!  I know I often sound unloving...and honestly, sometimes I AM unloving.  There is NOTHING good in me except Jesus.  Anything good, everything good comes from Him.
I often say I am like a Mack truck with information and truth, and I slap a bumper sticker on the back that says, “love ya!”       Know me.  Know my heart to please God above all.  To please Him more than men.  And know that I want to know how to truly speak the truth in love.  I want to truly love - not just obediently but emotionally too.  ...with the fluffies, cotton candy, and ice cream cones.  I don’t very often. But please know it is my prayer nearly every day to truly love from the heart and not just be assaulting people with truth and information.  If you want to pray for me... Pray that I will truly, deeply love - the kind of love that Jesus has for the lost.  A kind, compassionate, merciful, warm love.  Pray I will balance well this love of country with a deep and uncompromising love of God.  For I truly want to do both and I know there must be a way to settle the two together.  I don’t want to separate “church and state” in my heart.  They must live there together and co-exist because I am called to love both; though, clearly one takes severe precedence over the other.

Thank you for caring for me.  I don’t have any idea why you do.  Because I am not always pleasant and gentle.  I just am so thankful for those of you who truly know my heart - and love me, freakiness and all.  

Have a truly blessed and great week.  May we forever be free in God AND country.




Proverbs 8:1-11; 2 Timothy 4:2-5

rushed

I’m a rush of nothing and everything.  educate, wash the laundry, hang the laundry, dust, vacuum, read, get distracted online, spend too much time online, remember to plan dinner, forget to plan dinner, I hate making dinner. Take down the laundry, “clean up the room”, I need to vacuum the floor, “pick up your toys so I can vacuum the floor”, wash my hair, it’s too late to wash my hair.

Why do I feel like life is passing me by and I am totally missing it?  Will my kids look back and see an absent mom?  I didn’t play enough.  I didn’t laugh enough.  I wanted to change the world too much.  Is everything I pursue in vain?  I want to help with this and that.  I want to focus completely on my family and nothing else.  Because the other things take me from them.  But I feel a driving force behind me, pushing me to speak, to truth, to change, to hope, to despair, to words that seem to go unheeded.

Put down the phone.

Turn off the computer.

Make lists and get to them when I get to them.

Light a candle.

Play some music.

Go for a walk.

Breathe.

Read.  Really read. 

Smile.

Laugh.

Breathe.

Make a dang meal.  It won’t kill you.

Enjoy the cardboard village that invades these walls.

Accept that the world is falling apart.  Yes, God knows about it.  No, I won’t save it all by myself.  But I can do what is right for me, for my family, according to the truth of God’s word.

Relax.  It’s all in His plan.  

Do not turn to the right or the left, but hear that voice behind me that says, “this is the way; walk in it.”  And have peace.

Pause.

Breathe.

Search Him.

Yield.

Obey.

Love deep and full and for real...no matter what.

Yesterday evening, I worked at my clothesline quietly, praying that my mind, heart, life wouldn’t be such a jumble.    Crying for a break.  I am so driven to inform people of truth and so exhausted of it.  I wonder so often if I am just shouting into the streets to deaf, annoyed ears.  I love facebook.  I hate facebook.  It drains the life out of me, distracts me terribly because I am so darn distractable, wears me out.  I hate it more than I like it.  I am addicted to it.  I prayed last night that if the Lord told me to walk away, I just would.  I want to yield, always yield.

This morning, my CWA director called to ask me if I would take over her job as CWA Area Director for Southern California.  I am a magnet for stuff like this.  She told me that I came to mind easily because I’m basically already doing the job since I am so politically vocal on facebook and such.  In addition, I would need to spend about an hour a month collecting monthly reports and passing them along to the Field Office and that’s basically it.  I, of course, can lobby, add more Prayer Action Leaders, plan events, etc., but only if I want to.  A perk is that CWA pays my way to their every-other-year training conferences usually in D.C.

I was listening to Gregg Harris on my iPod yesterday talk about his “Seasons of Life” philosophy.  Statesmen are those in the latter phase of life.  How old was Deborah?  How old was David?  I don’t know, but it’s worth finding out.  This, according to his ideas, is my homemaking time of life...and boy isn’t it?  I have enough on my plate raising two boys, and trying and failing to be attentive to my husband.

I mentioned it to Jamie and he seems to think the CWA thing is a good fit for me.  And thinks it’s an answer to yesterday’s facebook prayer.  And that if my biggest issue is that I’m frustrated that no one is listening to me, then so what?  It’s not like I’m truly suffering.

True.

“Do not grow weary in doing good.”

My heart is in setting this country right side up.  And I do not want half-hearted no-one-else-will-do-it obligations to take me from that unless God ordains it.  

So, I’m praying.  And hoping I can get my life together.  I’ve been so tired and such a homebody.  Unmotivated to move and be out and about.  Odd for me.  I’m hoping it is just a passing phase.  And trying not to succumb to the “a body at rest stays at rest” science.

Activating my mind toward U.S. history & politics makes me alive.  So crazy and geeky, I know.  Who would ever have imagined? 

I/We also need to come to some sort of decision about Expo and whether or not we will continue to help as Exhibitor Coordinators.  I just don’t know.   

Duty, Obedience

Life is not about me.  But I don’t live like that.  I live selfishly and vainly.  I want a nap.  I want my time. I want my will.

I am scatterbrained and unorganized and I don’t often use my time well.

I am tired and I want to do what I want to do.

I want to write.  I want to speak about the injustices of planet earth.  I want to expose the dangers in America.  I want truth.  I want to dance.  I want to educate my children well.  I want to read.

But I’m needed to plan events, to serve, to fulfill my role as this or that.  

George Washington.  

Today, I felt/feel so unsettled in life.  I love my life, but I don’t think I embrace it as I should.  I don’t think I enjoy it as I should.  I fear that I will look back on it and think it wasn’t a happy life, but instead a life full of people-need-me-to-do-this-and-that.  And then I thought, well, George Washington wanted to farm and live cozy at Mount Vernon, but he was hardly able to.  Duty called.  He obeyed.  But there is a rest forever in heaven for him and for all who enter His rest.  So what if this life isn’t all about what my ambitions and desires are?  Obey and do right.

I don’t often do right, I think.  I get consumed with the affairs of this world - with politics, with government.  I feel off-balance.  I want to turn off Facebook forever.  I want someone else to take on the affairs of this world, so I can read and have fun with my kids and keep my house clean and be fluffy and bubbly and fun.  But I am compelled by something deeper to speak, to shout, to expose truth.  

Gregg Harris has been sharing his message “Seasons of Life.”  I ought not to comment on it since I haven’t actually heard it in its entirety.  But what I have heard, I often think about.  As the church body, we all ought to be using our gifts to serve one another.  But many are not serving at all.  And those who are are trying to fill every need the church has.  Gregg Harris says that our life is about seasons: 1. the disciple/student phase, 2. the raising a family/homemaking phase, 3. the grandparent phase, 4. the pastoral phase, 5. the statesman phase.  But it seems that most are reaching the grandparent/retirement years, shirking all responsibility, RV-ing and golfing and leaving the world to be run and solved by those who ought to be focusing on their families.  But since they don’t lead in their churches or in government, the Sarah Palins of the world are having to step up and step in.  I have been asked 4 times to run for the local school board.  I don’t want to.  But if no other common sense person will do it, must I?  Where are the leaders?  Where is duty?  If people of sanity don’t fill these roles, this nation will not improve but will only follow its path over the edge.

It is no wonder New Jersey legalized assisted suicide yesterday.  We reach retirement age, we check out of life and all that matters, and we wonder why we’re not worth anything at the end of it.  It’s no wonder the value of the lives of the elderly is beginning to be looked at as nothing and disposable.  But God knows the number of our days.  He has a plan and purpose for each one.  We ought to live like it.  

This world exhausts me

Tornadoes, the compromising/borderline heretical church, illegals that are given privilege, good and decent families deported for no reason, government scams and cover-ups and lies, the killing of a million unborn and innocent babies every year (3000 today)...

Oh, this world is not my home.

When I am overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

For the sufferings of this world are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us.

Jesus, Abba - I love Your Word.  It is life and peace and truth.  An anchor for my anxious heart.

Jamie’s Great-Aunt Ann and her son-in-law, Tommy, died in the Granbury, TX tornado last week.  Ann’s daughter and Tommy’s wife, Betsy, remains severely injured in the hospital.  6 people died in total.  

Praying for Moore, OK, today.  The devastation from its tornado is challenging to comprehend.  But I love seeing the stories of miracles and kind-hearted Americans and Christians and churches who are desperate to help.  I want to help and I want to raise helpers.  To be people that run into danger when everyone is running out - all for the sake of one who might be saved.  To be people who swiftly and tirelessly move and dig and uncover so that a frightened one can see light, can have hope, can live.