Yesterday evening, I worked at my clothesline quietly, praying that my mind, heart, life wouldn’t be such a jumble. Crying for a break. I am so driven to inform people of truth and so exhausted of it. I wonder so often if I am just shouting into the streets to deaf, annoyed ears. I love facebook. I hate facebook. It drains the life out of me, distracts me terribly because I am so darn distractable, wears me out. I hate it more than I like it. I am addicted to it. I prayed last night that if the Lord told me to walk away, I just would. I want to yield, always yield.
This morning, my CWA director called to ask me if I would take over her job as CWA Area Director for Southern California. I am a magnet for stuff like this. She told me that I came to mind easily because I’m basically already doing the job since I am so politically vocal on facebook and such. In addition, I would need to spend about an hour a month collecting monthly reports and passing them along to the Field Office and that’s basically it. I, of course, can lobby, add more Prayer Action Leaders, plan events, etc., but only if I want to. A perk is that CWA pays my way to their every-other-year training conferences usually in D.C.
I was listening to Gregg Harris on my iPod yesterday talk about his “Seasons of Life” philosophy. Statesmen are those in the latter phase of life. How old was Deborah? How old was David? I don’t know, but it’s worth finding out. This, according to his ideas, is my homemaking time of life...and boy isn’t it? I have enough on my plate raising two boys, and trying and failing to be attentive to my husband.
I mentioned it to Jamie and he seems to think the CWA thing is a good fit for me. And thinks it’s an answer to yesterday’s facebook prayer. And that if my biggest issue is that I’m frustrated that no one is listening to me, then so what? It’s not like I’m truly suffering.
“Do not grow weary in doing good.”
My heart is in setting this country right side up. And I do not want half-hearted no-one-else-will-do-it obligations to take me from that unless God ordains it.
So, I’m praying. And hoping I can get my life together. I’ve been so tired and such a homebody. Unmotivated to move and be out and about. Odd for me. I’m hoping it is just a passing phase. And trying not to succumb to the “a body at rest stays at rest” science.
Activating my mind toward U.S. history & politics makes me alive. So crazy and geeky, I know. Who would ever have imagined?
I/We also need to come to some sort of decision about Expo and whether or not we will continue to help as Exhibitor Coordinators. I just don’t know.